Tuesday, April 21, 2009

生, 老, 病, 死...

我从来没有把死放在心上. 我相信大家都一样. 没事想什么死呀死得, '大吉利事'!

我第一次接触死亡是健的离开, 然后Papa的离开. 更着Mummy的离开, 身边的朋友也走了几个, 我开始意识到死亡其实离我不远.

"莲,你害怕吗?", 朋友聊天时问到. "害怕? 没有病没有痛的时候离开是不知不觉, 哪有害怕可言?" 真的, 我希望我不要有病痛而去, 既然要病也不要太久. 家里弟弟妹妹会很辛苦和悲哀, 我不想他们太难过.

生, 老, 病, 死 – 人生必经之道. 谁也跑不了. 我有好几次的 '必死' 经验 – 两次车祸, 一次空难, 一次想死, 一次求死...哈哈哈...我很可爱吧!

渐渐得, 我碰到不如意时开始用佛法思考我的处境. 我不是乖乖型的佛教徒可是这些年来的经历让我对佛法的信心已经很难动摇了. 太深奥的书我看不懂. 我做事是凭自己的心.

当师父给我这个法名 "慈爱" 时, 我吓了一跳. 师父是拿了我的出生日期和时间meditate一个月出来的结果. 很好的名字但这名字可以有两个意思.

1) 你具备”慈爱”;
2) 你不够”慈爱”所以要多行慈悲.

我不是圣人, 也会发脾气但我会提醒自己 "什么大不了...死了都一样. 一堆白骨, 那是你? 那是我? 骄傲什么? 神气什么?

所以我用佛法来看待死亡. 我的存在一定有它的意义. 我不能轻生而伤害自己. 尤其是我...我需要两个Daddy和两个Mummy才有这一朵 '莲'. 我什么可以对不起他们哪?

既然生, 老, 病, 死是必需,那就…

1) 生的有意义
2) 老的gracefully
3) 病的时候,要感恩.最好不要太痛苦.我痛的threshold很底
4) 死的时候要自然

阿弥陀佛!!

9 comments:

Robin said...

Did u realise that the same problem was discussed by the Buddha in so many sutra?

And that not many religion is talking about death and how to deal with death?

I will be giving a talk on end of life issues... in end may..

My Pet topic.. haha

丘妈妈 said...

年轻时,我常有死的念头;现在反而害怕死,因为孩子还小,我放不下,而且没妈的孩子是很可怜的!

lian莲 said...

Robin,

I really did not read lots of books of Dharma. I know Buddha talked abt death. However talking abt death need self understanding. Not an easily acceptable subject. Everyone wants to live.

I volunteered for HOSPICE for six years. I faced people who are dying and I hold their hands until they expired. They are frightened but by me doing so they are peaceful. Some even waited for me.

Let me know, I will make it to hear you if I have time or I will find the time.

lian莲 said...

丘妈妈, 我了解你的牵挂. 不用怕只要做最好的准备. 它不一定会发生, 不是现在但事情往往出乎意料...心里准备是必需得.

我已经交代我的了!

小路 said...

我还不想死,因为我的"目送"还没读完, 日本片还没看、天空还没拍够,不过如果硬要把我给招回去的话,就让我安祥的走。。。

lian莲 said...

Ha.a..a 小路..我也是. Naruoto S. 还没看完. 好一些照片还没上网...我也不想死!

Snowflix said...

莲,我尽量做好事,只求以后“好死”。呵呵呵。

Lian莲 said...

Snow, 谢谢.

suihunn said...

Dear Lian

The journey of life eventually ends in death. Thru living life meaningfully according to our heart/soul we can meet death with no regrets. Good companionships along the journey is a blessing. They are also your support at death. Lets prepare for a blissful and enlightening death thru a life well-lived.